On 26 June 2015 | Thoughts all of a Sudden

I closed all the windows to avoid the rays of the sunlight coming into my room. Ignoring the voice of my mamma who was calling me in the kitchen to cook lunch for everyone, I closed the door as well. All I wanted was to stay alone. I covered my face with an A4 sized paper and stood up in front of the mirror, trying to be brave enough to face the mirror. Tears in my eyes are making the paper wet, my hands are shaking but my hands are not down yet.

On 26 June 2015 | I am in My Room

In 2010 this chronic illness ‘Lupus’ fell in love with me. Today, 26 June 2016, it has been 6 years of relationship. I am always limited for making decisions for anything. I have dark skin, a puffy face, thin legs, and a big stomach. I don’t fit in a one-piece or in jeans and crop t-shirts. My friends put rose on their cheeks to make them extra glowing. But for me, I have my very own natural butterfly rashes which don’t let me put on make-up and an extra rose.

Do I feel lucky about having this extra natural beauty or hate that I look different? I have to take drugs every day. I am very dependent on others. See, it keeps me under its control all the time. I know it is never going to let me go. I have to maintain it for my whole life instead. I don’t have the strength to accept myself.